Ten Things A Freelance Writer Doesn’t Need

Alex Crabtree — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:23:18 +0000

Seems that Top Ten Lists are all the rage now, and I may be late getting in the game. But, I’m going to jump right in and muck the whole thing up with a few Top Ten lists of my own, starting with my take on the Top 10 Things Freelance Writers Don’t Need.

It’s a fact that we Freelance writers are consumed by all sorts of things. The potential for a fat ass, irritability, the penchant for no sleep, and the lack of real food are just a few that come to mind. Taking all this into my tequila tainted mind, I came up with the following list:

1. Swimming Pool

*see this post’s picture

2. Pets

*3 a.m. and you’re hungry, even a water bug looks like a steak

3. Season Pass to an amusement park

*aren’t some clients enough of a thrill ride?

4. GPS device

*who needs a digital voice parked on your desk barking at you to make a u-turn?

5. Tuxedo

*virtual Writer’s Balls haven’t caught on yet

6. 30 cup coffeemaker

*we need SOME kind of exercise

7. Home Depot card

*if it can’t be fixed with empty cigarette packs or wadded up paper, it ain’t broke

8. Comfortable chair

*see number 6

9. Gun

*3 a.m. and the dog looks like a steak, or the fifth client fired you in two days and someone left a bottle of tequila at your place

10. A life

*what the hell? you’ll just whore it out for 12 pennies a word anyway

See anything on the list you think you disagree with? What item do you think should be number 11?

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Ten Things A Freelance Writer Doesn’t Need